roflbot (1)March 18, 2013 – Kobe, Japan

Kzy starts the show and he is pissed off. Last time on Prime Zone, Rich Swann held a rap battle against Ryo Saito and left him out of the thing. He is the number one rapper in Dragon Gate. He waxes poetic before Saito chimes in and says that it’s SaiRyo Time! Saito has trouble saying, “What time is it?” This only serves to bait Kzy into letting Saito steal his catchphrase again. Swann cuts a promo from the back saying that it’s Rich Swann Time. Swann wants a three-way rap battle. Kzy makes a joke that’s funnier than all of Super Shisa’s puns combined. Kzy’s rap sounds pretty good, he definitely has rhythm. Swann’s isn’t totally terrible. Saito’s is pretty solid too, and the crowd is obsessed with him. He defends his rap battle championship.

Akira Tozawa and Mondai Ryu then attack Swann in the back. Tozawa tells Kzy to attack, so he goes after Saito. Saito gains control until Tozawa and Ryu run out and the numbers become too much. Genki Horiguchi H.A.Gee.Mee. makes the save. That doesn’t go well for the Jimmyz until HUB comes out to even the sides. He wants a six-man tag match now.

HUB {Z}, Genki Horiguchi H.A.Gee.Mee. {J} & Ryo “Jimmy” Saito {J} vs. Akira Tozawa {MB}, Mondai Ryu {MB} & Kzy {MB}
Our heroes hit a triple dropkick on Ryu to start. Saito pulls out Kzy’s hair and gives it to Horiguchi. He hits a diving double stomp for 2. Horiguchi puts Tozawa in an abdominal stretch. Tozawa goes to the ponytail to escape. Ryu dropkicks the face for 2. Tozawa hits two sentons for 2 when HUB whips him with his tail. Tozawa comes back with a brainbuster for 2. Horiguchi hits Kzy with a head scissor takedown. Saito hits an overhead suplex on Tozawa. Kzy dropkicks HUB’s leg and hits the B-Boy. HUB hits the DH. He hits a sick lariat for 2. Saito goes for the Cycling Yahoo on Tozawa but Ryu makes the save. Ryu hits the Panic Attack and Tozawa hits a side suplex for 2. Kzy misses KZ Time and HUB hits the Shining Wizard. Horiguchi dropkicks Ryu. Saito hits SaiRyo Time on Ryu for 2. Ryu rolls HUB up for 2. HUB whips him. He hits the Armageddon for the win at 8:03. The last few minutes made this a blast of an opener, if you can call it that after all that rappin’ and jaw jackin’.
Rating: **¾

YAMATO is interviewed in the ring. He showsh is disgust at being attacked by “Problem Noodles” on the last Prime Zone. But he didn’t come to Prime Zone tonight to cook. He will fight anyone. Kotoka, wearing Union Jack sunglasses, talks in the back about how he and YAMATO have very short names. But Mr. Quu Quu Naoki Tanizaki Toyonaka Dolphin. He says nobody has a longer name, so obviously he has to fight YAMATO. I’ve now seen his name spelled “Kyu Kyu,” “Quu Quu,” and “QQ.” They need to pick one.

YAMATO {A} vs. Mr. Quu Quu Naoki Tanizaki Toyonaka Dolphin {J}
Something tells me this will be very different than their match on Infinity. Dolphin attacks before the bell. YAMATO chops him. They trade elbows until Dolphin hits the facebuster. He hits it again. He hits the legsweep for 2. YAMATO blocks the Implant but eats the Casanova. That gets 2. Dolphin hits the DH. YAMATO blocks the Casanova and hits a dragon screw. He hits the running dropkick. He hits an enziguiri for 2. They start taunting each other in English, to which the crowd does not react. Dolphin gets a roll up for 2. He gets another for 2. They trade roll ups until YAMATO comes up with one for the win at 4:19. This was certainly different than their Infinity match, but not really any goofier, like I thought it would be. After the match YAMATO calls that two-in-a-row for Akatsuki, and encourages Shingo Takagi and Super Shenlong to keep the momentum going.
Rating: **½

Jimmy Susumu {J} & Jimmy Kagetora {J} vs. Shingo Takagi {A} & Super Shenlong {A}
Shenlong and Takagi both want to continue YAMATO’s winning ways (4-0), and the Jimmyz are answering their open challenge. Shenlong and Kagetora start. They fight over a wristlock. Kagetora swats away a dropkick. After some do-see-do, Shenong hits a dropkick. Takagi and Susumu trade chops. They upgrade to lariats until Susumu hits an exploder. Kagetora puts Shenlong in the body scissors. Susumu hits the Ong Bak Kneedrop for 2. Kagetora hits a slingshot elbowdrop for 2. Shenlong hits a weak chop. Kagetora responds like a King of Chop. Shenlong hits an awkward elbow. He hits a dropkick in the corner. Takagi cleans house. Kagetora hits a snap mare and an enziguiri. He hits two more enziguiris for 2. Takagi dodges the Hangetsu and helps Shenlong hit an elevated legdrop for 2. Shenlong hits a dropkick. Takagi hits a lariat. Shenlong hits the Skyhigh for 2. Susumu avoids the Skyhigh and hits the DVD for 2. Takagi hits a lariat for 2. Susumu hits Shenlong with a lariat. He hits the Mugen for the win at 7:31. That’s really the first time anyone has put on a high-octane performance in front of a Prime Zone crowd. I’d like to see these teams go at it again on Infinity.
Rating: ***¼

Kotoka is backstage with BxB Hulk, who introduces Uhaa Nation. Kotoka says there’s nobody on the show to fight the Twin Gate Champions. Hulk volunteers Kotoka to fight them. Kotoka says there’s nobody to be his partner. Hulk and Naiton don’t care, and shove him around while telling him that he can fight by himself. Speed Muscle comes to his aid. Kotoka basically ignores Naruki Doi and asks Masato Yoshino to be his partner. Yoshino ignores Doi too, so instead of getting Speed Muscle vs. Darkside Nation, we get Yoshino and Kotoka fighting that evil champions. This was pretty funny.

BxB Hulk {MB} & Uhaa Nation {MB} vs. Masato Yoshino {W1} & Kotoka {MG}
Kotoka comes out all fired up. ANGRY KOTOKA! He starts with Hulk, and attacks before the bell. He hits chest kicks. Hulk sweeps the leg and hits a chest kick. Kotoka hits a head scissor takedown. Nation no-sells Yoshino’s shoulder tackles. He hits one of his own. Yoshino chops Hulk. Nation elbows Kotoka from the apron. Hulk hits a back heel kick. Nation hits a bodyslam. He hits a legdrop and does pushups. Hulk hits a roundhouse kick and a senton for 2. Kotoka hits a running elbow. Yoshino hits the Sling Blade. He dropkicks Nation’s leg. Kotoka joins him in that effort. They hit a double basement dropkick. Hulk hits an axe kick on Yoshino for 2. Yoshino hits the Shotgun Dropkick. He hits the Torbellino. Kotoka hits the diving double stomp for 2. Nation cleans house. He hits Kotoka with a bicycle kick for 2. Kotoka ducks the First Flash and gets a roll up for 2. Nation hits a powerslam for 2. He hits the Uhaa CombiNation for the win at 6:38. A worthy main event, with the always-entertaining Kotoka even looking reasonably competitive against the currently untouchable Nation. I dig. After the match Yoshino teases a huge cast for PRIME ZONE vol.5.
Rating: ***