June 26, 2009 – Osaka, Japan

The Twin and Owarai Gate belts are on the line tonight. Here’s the championship rundown:
Open the Dream Gate Champion: Naruki Doi
Open the Twin Gate Champions: Ryo Saito & Genki Horiguchi
Open the Triangle Gate Champions: Masato Yoshino, BxB Hulk & PAC
Open the Brave Gate Champion: CIMA

The show starts with a recap of some recent Owarai Gate history. Jackson Florida, Stalker Ichikawa, Kikutaro, Anthony W. Mori and Don Fujii have all been competing for the belt. Tonight Kikutaro, the reigning champion, defends his belt in the form of Abdullah the Butcher, against Stalker Ichikawa.

Abdullah the Kikuchan © vs. Stalker Ichikawa [Open the Owarai Championship Match]
Kikuchan’s mask’s forehead is hilariously scarred. Ichikawa hits the Kancho at the bell. Kikuchan hits very casual shoulder tackles. He thrusts at Ichikawa’s throat. He takes out a plastic spoon and jabs Ichikawa’s arm. Ichikawa gets the spoon and works them over the mask’s scars. He hits another Kancho but Kikuchan sits on his chest for 2. Ichikawa gets his pitchfork and repeatedly hits Kikuchan in the crotch. Kikuchan hits an elbowdrop for the 3 count at 4:18. He also gets the best crowd reaction and thus retains the belt. I was never really exposed to Abdullah the Butcher so this did nothing for me. I’d have much rather watched a few minutes of the Dragon Kid & Taku Iwasa vs. Masato Yoshino & BxB Hulk match from the same night than this, but apparently they had to set up Ichikawa vs. Abdullah the Butcher on PPV instead.
Rating: DUD

Ryo Saito © {RH} & Genki Horiguchi © {RH} vs. CIMA {W5} & Gamma {W5} [Open the Twin Gate Championship Match]
With Yokosuka’s help Gamma and CIMA pinned the champs in a non-title match to earn this title shot. Gamma and Horiguchi start. Gamma spits in Horiguchi’s face. CIMA hits Saito with a dropkick. He puts on an armbar. The challengers make use of the new corner camera while Gamma gives Saito the Sweet Angel’s Kiss. CIMA hits a double stomp for 2. He and Gamma hit Horiguchi with a double dropkick. Gamma gives Horiguchi the Osuikougeki from extra close range. CIMA puts on an abdominal stretch. Horiguchi hits a hiptoss to escape and everyone brawls on the floor. This match is dying already. In the ring Horiguchi works CIMA’s arm. CIMA hits an enziguiri but Saito keeps Gamma from getting the tag. The crowd could not be quieter. The champs do their double-team segment for 2. Saito chokes CIMA with his whip. Yasushi Kanda and Kenichiro Arai come in and help the champs throw CIMA into the air for 2. Horiguchi sets up a chair pile in the ring, but CIMA suplexes him onto it. CIMA and Gamma hit some chair-related offense. Gamma hits a hurricanrana on Saito. Saito intercepts the cane in an incredibly telegraphed spot and smashes Gamma with it. He puts Gamma in a full nelson using the cane and makes him run the ropes. That backfires when the cane clotheslines Saito and Horiguchi. CIMA forces Horiguchi to dropkick Saito and then hits the Superdrol. He and Gamma hit a ton of back elbows. Gamma hits the Flashback. He Blitzens CIMA onto Horiguchi for 2. Saito hits CIMA with a German suplex in another telegraphed spot. He hits a splash off the top for 2. Gamma cleans house with the cane. He and CIMA hit a double superkick and the double Tokarev on Saito. Gamma hits the Gamma Special and CIMA hits the Meteora for 2 when Horiguchi takes out the referee. The referee comes back with a clothesline. Gamma canes CIMA by mistake. Dr. Muscle runs in to help Gamma, but then turns on him with powder. Saito hits a German suplex and a dragon suplex for 2. He hits the Double Cross for the win at 20:10. It bothers me every time there’s something about Dragon Gate I don’t like, and right now I’ve got two. Akebono is bad enough, but Saito and Horiguchi as the Twin Gate champs are really making it hard for me to get through the episodes on which they’re featured. Watching this match was like having the extended perception of time you get from being stoned, without any of the warm and fuzzies that make getting stoned worthwhile. This totally fell apart, as everything was totally sloppy and several cues were noticeably missed. At least the Blitzen spot was cool.
Rating: *

After the match Horiguchi gets on the microphone and reveals Dr. Muscle to be m.c.KZ. No real shock there, though the drama is lessened by the fact that KZ joined Real Hazard by turning on Gamma instead of someone from World-1. Naoki Tanisaki runs out in a towel, which is absolutely awesome because why would he still be wearing his wrestling trunks? He and KZ (now Kzy) argue back and forth, until eventually a match between the two of them gets made for the Kobe PPV. Shingo Takagi comes out next and demands another Twin Gate title shot. Saito calls out YAMATO to take care of Takagi. YAMATO makes his return wearing a Real Hazard shirt, so I guess things between him and the group are fine. Real Hazard starts attacking Takagi, and YAMATO turns on them! He shakes Takagi’s hand and reveals he’s teaming with his old New Hazard leader to take the belts from Saito and Horiguchi. The crowd reacted more to YAMATO spearing Saito than to anything from the entire Twin Gate match.

So now YAMATO has joined the side of good and the Kobe PPV looks like this:
~Naoki Tanisaki vs. Kzy
~Stalker Ichikawa vs. Abdullah the Butcher
~KAGETORA, Susumy Yokosuka & Gamma vs. Masaaki Mochizuki, Don Fujii & Akebono for a shot at the Triangle Gate Championship
~Masato Yoshino, BxB Hulk & PAC vs. Taku Iwasa, Dragon Kid & Akira Tozawa for the Open the Triangle Gate Championship
~Ryo Saito & Genki Horiguchi vs. YAMATO & Shingo Takagi for the Open the Twin Gate Championship
~Naruki Doi vs. CIMA for the Open the Dream and Brave Gate Championships

Plus three other matches, including one featuring TOKYO Gurentai, because Dragon Gate knows just how to drive me crazy.

Next week the WARRIORS-5 take over Infinity!